The ex sent me this. Been a couple weeks since I moved out and almost a week since she moved out. None of what I post will be in all that much order. Cut and paste. Slice and dice. Duck and cover.

"Hi,

I hope you are doing ok. 

I am getting used to with my new place. It is a bit hot as no win can get through. It is alright. The coolest thing is i could catch motorbike taxi to work in the morning without hassling with parking space at the market. In started to bring running shoes with me and took a walk when I get off after work. I have been given a lot of support from Cobra friends made me feel that I am not alone after all.

I reckon you play music a lot. You may have finished unpacking. Probably going to USA soon. I hope you manage to sort the ticket out OK.

I read a lot recently. Already told you once but tell you again anyway.. The power of now -- Eckhart Tolle

Too much future, not enough now = unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry

Too much past, not enough now = guilt, regret, resentment, grievance, sadness, bitterness, nonforgiveness 

I hope you are OK. 

Take care."

I dashed this off, it is not done, nor will it probably ever be done. I did not send it to her. Doubt if I will, or even if she would care to read it. What the hell....

" Good you are walking, and good you have friends.

 Just want to toss out some ideas regarding "the power of now" and how it applies to Thai culture in general. Not all Thais, of course, but as in general. And Western culture.

  A bit more focus is in order for Westerners regarding "now". The book "Be here now" was very popular in the 60's and 70's. The gist was we spend too much time planning and looking back that we lose the present. That was valid. Like the saying goes "Life is what happens while you are busy making plans".

  However, one of the more common complaints regarding Thais is that cannot see more than 5 minutes into the future or the past. They are too much into the "now". Another famous saying in the West is "Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it."

  This discounting and avoidance of taking a critical look at the past can lead to problems in the present. Thai education and culture shun critical thinking, analyzing, what one could call "the long view". Since anything beyond 5 minutes ago doesn't enter into thought processes, it leads farangs (western foreigners)  into viewing Thais like 4 year old children. Same goes for consideration of the future and possible results later on from action taken based purely on "the now". When this is combined with a culture that is based on status, appearance, show, impressing others more than thinking for ones self, and the shallow nature that comes from these values, decisions and actions leave Westerners shaking their heads in disbelief. Here are some examples of what I mean, based on our experience.

 Your friend Tony rents you an expensive room at a hotel for a night in Bangkok, even though you have never met him in person. (Tony is the guy that set divorce in motion, her talking with him and saying going to see him_EM)

Jan (Old school friend of hers, lives in BKK, said she spent night with Jan, omitted where. Typical) remarks about what a great guy he must be, which you probably agree with, and you get some status with her because he is interested in you. Neither of you look beyond the "wow that is so cool level" to figure out just what this is all about. You don't ask questions or think critically.

A Westerner, such as me, would ask lots of questions: What is his intent? What is his goal? What is his payoff for this gesture? Is this normal practice or a manipulation?

We pose some possible answers and theories regarding these questions, based on the limited information we have.

He taught English in Thailand so is probably aware of the lack of critical thinking and the relative ease to impress the gullible Thais. His intent is to impress you.... so far so good that is normal. He also thinks (rightly) that you will think is a very good guy. Error. He is a guy that can pay for that room. Why? To put you in his debt. He knows that this will give him leverage over you that he would not have otherwise. Leverage to do what? What do most guys want? To screw a lot of women, and that means you. Same as John at the real estate office (married guy she had affair with few years ago. Got a ton of money from him!). He does not have to say "I paid for the room so you owe me some good sex". That is understood by rules of kreng jai (special respect, very important). It is what you have that he wants.

 So we would say that based on his actions he is not the good guy he pretends to be, but is manipulative. This would almost never happen in the west because the women are wise to that sort of game playing and would tell him to go the hell away. Unless she were a whore, which is how he really views Thai women. It is like a pre-paid fu**.

 Being very surface and impression based, lacking the ability to see "the big picture", and having the attention span of 5 minutes, actions such as I have undertaken for the sole benefit of Su**** are not even worth noting or appreciating. My taking care of you in all areas for a good portion of 5 years count for nothing. My sending you to the best and most expensive university in Thailand to get your masters degree does not even earn a thank you or an invitation to your graduation. Why? Because what you got is inside you and you can't show it off like a villa or a car or gold. If you can't see it and impress people with it, then it must be of no value. And although you would not have the job you do today if it weren't for me and my sacrifice, you are incapable of making the seemingly easy connection of the two. The lack of appreciation and actual open resentment for doing what I did leaves Westerners at a loss for understanding.

  If I had been "in the now" during your earlier chasing of men and the lies/manipulation that went with that, you would have been left far behind, with me and my support out of your life. My ability to see the long term goal, to see the future you could have IF you finished grad school kept me with you, much to my personal damage. I contend you knew that I had that future goal for you and used it to your advantage, besides once more giving more excuses to dislike me for being "weak" by not leaving. Not examining your behaviors beyond saying "I'm a bitch" and correcting those behaviors was beyond you. That would involve long term effort and commitment, self monitoring, and not just acting on whatever impulse struck you. 4 year olds can't do that.